


Like You

by writertitan



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Universe, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:02:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29047344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writertitan/pseuds/writertitan
Summary: You feel like a failure after watching your comrades lose their lives under your watch, and only Levi can help you start recovering.
Relationships: Levi & Reader, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi Ackerman & Reader, Levi/Reader
Kudos: 84





	Like You

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome, welcome! Here is a hurt/comfort one shot with Levi, originally a Tumblr request. Enjoy!

Another failed mission, another crowd of lives lost. You had watched in horror as members of your squad were just a little too slow, a little late, in preparing for one oncoming titan, then another, and another. A stroke of bad luck; abnormal titans weren’t supposed to come one after the other. 

You could have done more to save them. If you were actually worth your salt not only as a soldier but as a squad captain, those lives wouldn’t have been lost. You were supposed to be better than them, quicker than them, have better sense than them. But you hadn’t been. You had to do better. 

That’s what you told yourself the night you got back to base, haunted eyes staring at absolutely nothing as you mindlessly entered your quarters and robotically stripped out of your clothes and climbed into bed, eyes wide and bloodshot and blank as you retreated into your mind to torture yourself with your failure as a leader today. 

“Hey...can I come in?” 

The voice came from the other side of your door after a knock and you thought you heard the call of your name. Achingly familiar. But you were too lost in your mind now. There was only a physical shell of you in your room, unavailable to the world just for tonight. 

Tomorrow, you’d start being better.

***

Almost three weeks later and you felt you were improving. Maybe Levi was on to something with those limited hours of sleep. You were definitely more alert, sharper, and the exhaustion served as motivation to push yourself harder. Levi had even agreed to do more one-on-one sessions with you, so you could learn from the fastest and strongest. What confused you was the wary look in his eye when he agreed, but you said nothing of it. 

As was the new norm, you were the first one awake after barely sleeping a wink, feet barely touching the firm soil outside before you began sprinting to start your morning laps. And, as was the new norm, you ignored the splitting headache that was starting to creep into your head. 

“I bet Levi doesn’t get headaches,” you grumbled to yourself, gritting your teeth against the pain. Your legs pumped your forward, forward, around and around until your vision fuzzed, the headache searing into your head so badly that tears pricked your eyes. 

“Fuck!” you panted out as your legs gave way, making you stumble and fall. Your palms caught your fall and you cursed again as little pebbles and debris bit into your skin from the harsh contact. Your entire body throbbed to the beat of your headache and your limbs trembled from the strain you’d put them through, but your mind was louder than your body. 

_Stop!_ your body cried. 

_More!_ your mind screamed. 

And you had to listen to your mind. 

You got up on wobbly legs, fully intending to start more laps, but a harsh voice cut through the morning air and startled you enough to make you freeze in place. 

“What the hell are you doing out here? The sun’s barely out. Aren’t you coming in to eat?” 

There was no way you could face Levi right now. So you stood there, back to him, willing the pain-induced tears to dry. 

“I’ll be in soon,” you told him, voice surprisingly composed. You managed to blink back your tears just in time before he forced his way into your view, his gaze hard and a little irked. Levi stood in front of you with his arms crossed and his jaw set, face as stoic as ever. 

“Not soon. _Now_ ,” he ordered, his voice as hard as his eyes. 

“ _Fine_.” You nearly spat out your reply, suddenly furious at him. Who was he to deny you of this? You wanted to do better, be better. This was what you had to do. 

But as you stepped forward to follow him back, you realized too late that your legs were still wobbly, still prone to giving out, and you stumbled into Levi with a small whimper that made you feel pathetic. 

For a moment, that stoic facade faded as he looked at you with nothing but alarm, an arm darting out to help steady you. And you could tell he was about to say something, ask questions he shouldn’t be asking, so you hurried off before he could get the words out, legs gaining new confidence and strength.

***

Before that failed mission, one-on-one training with Levi had always been your favorite thing to look forward to. It still was, but for different reasons now. A month ago, you would have been running to meet up with him just to relish in that sparse alone time together. You would have tried to impress him, you would have gotten flustered when he pinned you down time and time again, you would have tried your hand at his vulgar humor the entire time just to see that little smile flit across his face for a moment, before he ultimately got annoyed. 

Now, things were different. You looked forward to training with him, yes, but it was solely for your own gain. Determination had sunken into your bones and had you almost as stoic as Levi during your one-on-ones, with nothing but the sound of thudding bodies and grunts to fill the silence where your bad humor had once been. 

After Levi had thrown you onto the ground for the fourth time that day, you were seething and aching. 

“Again!” you bellowed, jumping back up and steeling yourself for another spar. 

Levi just stood there, though, eyes hard like they had been the morning he’d caught you running until your feet couldn’t carry you anymore. 

“I think we’re done for today, we’ve been at it for almost a couple of hours.” Levi raised a brow and it felt so condescending. “Aren’t you tired?” 

That struck a nerve in you and you clenched your jaw as you met his gaze, chin lifting defiantly. 

“No.” 

Much to your dismay, it had come out slightly breathless. You weren’t doing much to convince Levi that you weren’t tired; your chest heaved as your lungs fought for more air, you were drenched in sweat, and you were sure you were swaying in place. 

“When was the last time you slept?” 

The question caught you off guard and you stared at Levi incredulously. Was he being serious?

“You’re one to talk,” you snapped, face hot with the realization of being caught, but also flushed with an anger that had been eating at you for the past few weeks. “When was the last time _you_ slept?” 

“You look like shit,” Levi replied, brutally honest, and his words set off a series of emotions in you. Sad, angry, embarrassed, self-conscious.

You knew he was right. Your eyes were bloodshot and the bags were deep and looked bruised from lack of sleep. You were sallow in complexion, and there had been an emptiness to your entire demeanor that you couldn’t hide. You couldn’t have looked worse. 

Or so you thought. 

To your horror and to Levi’s, you felt a warm trickling out of your nose as you stared him down, and you snapped out of it briefly to reach a hand up and investigate, your fingertips coming back with vivid red blood. 

Your name fell from Levi’s lips laced in concern and, as he stepped toward you and extended a hand as if to help, you felt that splitting headache that had plagued you all month come full force and wrench a cry of pain out of your throat. 

Things moved in slow motion from there. Without your consent, your body seemed to finally give in and you felt yourself start to crumple to the ground. Levi caught you before you could completely fall and hurt yourself, but you barely felt his hands on you. It was like you were numb all over. Your ears rang uncomfortably and everything sounded far away, Levi’s urgent yelling sounded far away. Your vision faded in and out, a mixture of tunnel vision and no vision at all, until your mind finally listened to the pained cries of your body. 

_No more_ , your mind agreed. And then it all became nothing.

***

It was hard to wake up. How could it take so much energy to merely open your eyes and be conscious again? 

The truth was, you also just didn’t want to be awake. Even if you were disoriented, even if you had no idea what was going on, that was better than the pain that was starting to creep into your mind and into your bones. There was the pain in your body, of course: aches and stiffness and tremors riddled your entire body and forced you to acknowledge your deep discomfort and all the damage you’d inflicted upon yourself. 

But then there was the mental pain that seared into your conscious thoughts and blackened every emotion, every other thought that tried to come in. 

The failure. The death. The incompetence. All of it weighed heavily on your shoulders. 

“No,” you whimpered feebly, eyes clenching together as if that would make you able to drift back into the nothingness you’d been floating in for who knows how long. But you knew better than that by now. How many weeks had gone by without sleep? Your body, no matter how much it yearned for it, never gave in. Your mind forced you awake to pummel you with all the reasons you didn’t deserve rest. 

Before the turmoil could really set in, a voice spoke up, cutting through the fogginess of your mind to bring you back to your reality. 

“You’re awake.” 

Unwillingly, you slowly opened your eyes, straining to adjust to the darkness. There was a dim glow of candles nearby and you jumped when you realized there was a shadowed figure sitting next to your bedside, blocking most of the candlelight behind them so they were nothing but a silhouette. But you knew that silhouette anywhere. 

“Levi,” you croaked, groaning as you tried to sit up. Instantly, a firm hand pushed you back down and you winced at the contact. Every move and every touch only made you realize how sore you really were. 

“What the hell were you thinking?” His tirade started immediately and all you could do was lie there and take it. “I didn’t want to believe it at first, but you just wouldn’t stop. Are you really this stupid? What was the purpose of all this? You were out there killing yourself every day for almost a month, and for what? What good are you out in titan territory if you push yourself past the brink? You should know your limits by now, you-”

“I wasn’t strong enough.” 

Your broken voice cut through his ranting, his mouth slightly agape as he stared down at you. His mouth snapped shut when he heard your choked sob, and even though you felt his eyes on you, you refused to look at him, tear-filled eyes stubbornly looking up at the ceiling. You cleared your throat, but your voice still wavered as you pressed on.

“I just want to be stronger. Then maybe I won’t have to watch my friends die. Maybe I can save them,” you choked out, reaching a stiff hand up to wipe at your tears. “I just wanted to be strong like you.”

It took a moment to find the strength to look at Levi. The fear that he would be looking at you with so much disappointment, so much anger, filled you and made you feel cold. 

Your eyes had adjusted to the dim light of candles and moonlight, and you dared to flash your gaze toward Levi. 

There was no anger. His gaze wasn’t hard or stoic. 

The steel of his eyes had melted away. Levi looked at you with hurt, with understanding, with concern, with knowing, with fondness. 

With fondness. 

Your breath hitched but you didn’t dare look away, fearing that this gaze he was baring to you would disappear as quickly as it had appeared.

“You _are_ strong,” he whispered. 

“Not strong _enough_ -” you tried to argue, but Levi sighed and set his jaw, a hand covering your mouth so he could speak again, his eyes hardening again just a tad, before softening once more. 

“Watching your comrades die will never get easy and you’ll always think of them. But as their captain, it’s your job to give their deaths meaning. And that means you keep on fighting. It means keeping them in your memory and honoring them. It does _not_ mean torturing yourself,” he said firmly. He took his hand off your mouth, reaching over to grab a glass of water sitting on your nightstand. After helping you sit up and lean against your headboard, he gave you the glass, eyeing you closely as you brought it to your lips. 

“Slow,” he warned you, and you took a few gulps before stopping and breathing in deeply. 

“I can use their death as motivation to be better,” you tried again, your voice still laced with intent to argue. 

“You weren’t motivating yourself. You were punishing yourself,” Levi said, without skipping a beat. “Remember...you aren’t the only one who’s lost people. This isn’t anything I haven’t seen or done before.”

He was right, you knew he was right, and his words were finally starting to sink in. You felt tears well up in your eyes and tried to wipe at them furiously, staring down into the glass of water you held in your lap. A stray tear trekked down your cheek and, before you could wipe it away yourself, you felt Levi’s calloused thumb swipe it away with the gentlest touch. 

“You’re right,” you gave in, turning your head to look at him again. “I’m sorry for worrying you.”

“I hate worrying,” was all Levi answered, but his eyes were still soft. He looked a little flustered, now the one to avoid _your_ gaze, as he looked to your nightstand and fumbled around with a small tray of food. “Eat a few bites before you lie down again. I think you need some food in you.” 

He went through the trouble of smearing some butter on a slice of bread before handing it to you and you mumbled a shy thanks before nibbling, an awkward silence filling the room. You stole glances now and then, watching the way Levi watched you like a hawk, and you swallowed the last of your small snack before finishing off your glass of water, unabashedly stretching to get rid of some stiffness and letting out an obnoxious yawn. 

“There. You’re already getting back to normal,” he commented, which confused you. With a raised brow, you tilted your head in questioning. 

“What do you mean?” you asked him, before a wave of realization hit you. You hummed in dismay and patted your cheeks, embarrassed. “Oh yeah. You did say I looked like shit. I guess I just wasn’t taking care of myself.” 

“It’s not that,” Levi said, sighing and leaning back in his chair and again refusing to meet your eyes. 

“Then what?” you pressed, but Levi gave you an annoyed glance and refused to answer. You huffed a little, situating yourself into a more comfortable position again. “I’ll be fine, Levi. You should practice what you preach and get some rest too,” you whispered, gazing at him gently. 

“I’m fine here,” he said matter-of-factly, making no move to stand up or leave. His words were firm and direct, but that softness that had seeped out of him tonight was ever-present, and you knew what he really meant beneath the surface of his answer. 

“I’ll be good as new by tomorrow morning,” you promised, but Levi gave you a little glare, shaking his head at that. 

“You won’t be back to it for a couple of days. Your main priority will be healing and I’ll be making sure you actually do that,” he told you. 

Again, the silence engulfed you, marred only by the faint chirps of crickets and the steady breaths between you and Levi. The threat of insomnia plagued you and you were worried you wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep. You opened your eyes again, taking in the sight of Levi’s profile as he gazed at your window, but he turned back to you the moment he felt your eyes on him. 

“Levi,” you murmured, pulling a hand out of your blanket and reaching out. Your heart hammered in your chest as your hand extended out towards him, timidly finding one of his resting on the arm of your chair. You took it gingerly, slowly, and guided it to the edge of your bed to rest with yours as your fingers locked together, the warmth of his skin surprising you. 

It was the first time you’d held his hand, and the feel of it in yours was perfect, better than what your countless daydreams had been able to conjure up. All the times you’d wanted to just reach out and take his hand...you wouldn’t have expected it to feel as nice, as comforting, as this. 

Levi didn’t pull his hand away. Part of you expected him to. Instead, he did the exact opposite of you had expected. 

He tightened his hold on your hand, a show of support, a show of being there. Yet another way he lent his strength. 

Your eyes were on your joined hands, not daring to look away from them, but you felt Levi’s eyes on your face. You didn’t need to meet his gaze to know what you’d find. You focused instead on the warmth of his hold, how it managed to pull you back down to reality, how it pulled you away from that threat of insomnia. It lulled you, coaxed you into safety, and helped you slowly accept the idea of sleep. 

“You weren’t you,” Levi suddenly whispered, making your eyes open wide once again. Your gaze met his and you swallowed thickly at what you found. More concern, but also, more fondness. The moonlight from your window reflected in his irises and you were so mesmerized, almost certain this was a dream, until he spoke again and reminded you that this was real. “That’s what I meant earlier. You weren’t yourself and I didn’t like that. It’s good to have you back.” 

You gave a soft smile, at a loss for words, but you knew Levi wasn’t expecting an answer anyway. You closed your eyes, lids heavy, and you dared to stroke the back of Levi’s hand for a moment before allowing yourself to finally get the sleep you finally felt deserving of. 

There were two things you were certain of. One was that Levi was going to be insufferable the next few days helping you get back to normal. The other was that you were going to wake up in the morning and he was still going to be holding your hand.


End file.
